Creation
I grew up going to church, but not in the way you might think. For me, it seemed like it was more out of tradition. I grew up in a small town and “good” people went to church. Looking back, it feels like we were just going through the motions. We attended church, said a quick memorized prayer before meals and bedtime, but never actually read the bible. I never saw anyone truly talk to God, pray, or seek Him in the decisions made. I went to church, got good grades, played sports, and usually drank on the weekends. It’s just what everyone I know did. I was a “good” kid from a “good” family, and that life seemed just fine.
Fall
When I went to college and started to navigate life on my own, I started to wonder why I said I was Christian when I didn’t really know what that meant. I said I believed the bible, but I had never once read it. I still believed in God. I never even questioned His existence, but I wanted to know what that meant for me. I was fortunate to have two different people in college invite me to go to church with them, and I started going regularly. I decided to get baptized when I was 20. I had been baptized as a baby, but I felt like I needed to do it again when it was my decision. I even raised my hand every single week as the Pastor asked us to close our eyes and raise our hands if we chose Jesus today. It’s probably funny if you grew up in a church with alter calls, and know they didn’t mean for me to raise my hand every week. But shouldn’t we be choosing Jesus again and again?
Redemption
I would love to tell you that my life was great after that; that I passionately followed Jesus and started making good decisions, but it wasn’t. My life was actually pretty messy for several years. I still thought that if I did all the right things, my life would just fall into place (good job, husband, kids, etc.). I went through a break up that shattered my world a bit. I started work during the recession and my company laid off two-thirds of the employees in the first two years. I looked for answers and happiness in other people. I struggled with anxiety and depression before I knew what those things were. And still, I kept looking for Jesus. When I graduated and moved to San Antonio, I started to bounce around from church to church. How do you know which denomination you are or who is preaching truth if you don’t know the bible? I eventually found a bible study that truly started to change things for me. It didn’t change my circumstances, but it changed me. I no longer looked to others to say I was worthy, because God already did.
Restoration
As I write this, it has been almost 20 years since I was baptized in college; 20 years since I raised my hand every week to say yes to Jesus, and man have things changed. Life is so very different than what I imagine as a kid, but I am so grateful God had a better plan. I did eventually get married and have kids. I get to be a stay-at-home mom while we pursue some entrepreneurial goals in real estate. I am constantly being refined by God and still figuring things out as I try to raise my kids to know Him.
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